Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Gratitude for my body!!

Last night, at Weight Watchers, we were challenged to look in the mirror and thank our bodies for what it does for us, instead of looking in the mirror and only seeing the negative.  So, here I go:

  • First of all, I am thankful that my body works.  I do not need to be in a wheelchair or walk with a walker, etc.  Thank you body for working.

  • Thank you to my stomach and my intestines for cooperating together and causing my Crohn's Disease to be in remission for almost 2 years, med free.  I truly appreciate this break from a horrible disease.

  • Thank you to my eyes.  I love making eye contact with people and making them feel important because I am focused on them.  Thank you for all the beautiful things and people that I see everyday!

  • Thank you to my mouth for always smiling and laughing and making other people smile and laugh.  Thank you also for helping me encourage and help others by my kind words.  Thanks for the ability to sing.

  • Thank you to my hands for being strong, so I can lend a helping hand, help myself, workout, write letters and words of encouragement.

  • Thank you to my legs for carrying me through the day!  Thank you for helping me workout and for helping me dance and have fun with the kids I work with.

  • Thank you feet for helping me walk and run races to raise awareness for causes close to my heart.

  • Most importantly I want to thank my heart for pumping life throughout my whole body.  I'm thankful that my heart is at the center of everything I do.  It not only gives me life, it helps me love others, love my family, love God, and NOW love myself.
No matter how I feel about the physical aspects of my body, I can put those aside now and really appreciate all my body does for me, flaws and all. 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

It's been awhile.

Wow, didn't realize it's been a year since I last blogged.  Time to get at it again.  I look at myself, where I am today, and it is nowhere where I thought I would be at this time.

 I started off the new year with a bang.  This was going to be my year.  I got back from vacation and told my personal trainer, Justin, not to hold back.  Things were going great, joined a weight loss challenge, and then one day in early January, felt something weird in my neck, had pain in my shoulder, and all the sudden had tingling down my arm to my hand, and even had some numbness. 

I will spare you all the details, so the long and short of it is. . .   I have a herniated disc in my neck on the left side.   I will need surgery to fix it in my future, but right now I am keeping it at bay by getting pain management shots.  I also found out at this time, that I also have a herniated disc on the right side of my neck. Eventually I will need surgery on that too.  When the surgery is done I will have to have the bones fused and will lose some movement in my neck.  Scary stuff. 

I let this get the better of me and over the last few months I have gained all my weight  back plus some.  I felt sorry for myself and turned to food for comfort.  Usually when I eat for comfort it is not as bad because I could workout and at least keep my weight the same, but this time I couldn't work out and still turned to food, so there is not beating around the bush, IT WAS BAD.

Before all of this I made big plans for 2015.  I was going to drop weight, do a 1/2 marathon leading up to a 1/2 Ironman in August.  Because of this injury I was not able to start training.  I had already paid for the 1/2 marathon and I decided to go ahead and still do it and my doctor told me if I walked the whole thing he gave me his ok.

Right before the race I headed back to Weight Watchers, started working out with Justin  more and trained as much as I could for the half marathon, located in Denver, Colorado.

My weigh in at Weight Watchers (WW going forward) 2 weeks before the race was 312.4 pounds.  That is the heaviest I have EVER been.  It was really hard to see that and know that I let myself get above 300 pounds again.  Something I thought would never happen.

I headed out to Colorado and walked the race on May 17.   It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I finished, but it was ugly.  With every painful step I took I promised myself this could not be how I lived my life.  I need to get healthy once and for all.  I need to get this weight off, figure out what is going on with my body and do what I need to do.  I need to quit turning to food for comfort.  I don't know what is going to happen with my neck, but until I do I cannot feel sorry for myself anymore.  I know how to eat right and I know how to work out.  I just need to be consistent and love myself way more than I do.  My goals are way bigger than any cookie, cake, chips, or sweet coffee drink.  Food only gives me a moment of comfort, but being healthy and happy will give me a lifetime of comfort. 

This picture is of me after the race.  This is my Fresh Start.  It used to bug me how many times I have had to write on this blog, that I'm starting over, but the fact is, I'm not giving up.  It reminds me of this great quote: " Life is not about how many times you fall down.  It's about how many times you get back up." -Jaime Escalante

So no matter how many times I have to, I will start over, until I get this right.  NO matter what, don't give up, keep trying, keep getting up, and eventually you'll get there.  By the way, I'm down 3.8 pounds since my last WW meeting.  I now weigh 308.6.  My goal this week is to lose 6.2 pounds, to make it 10 pounds lost total.  I weigh in on Tuesday nights, so I will update you then.