In January I joined a 60 Day Weight Loss Challenge at Energia Fitness Studio in Hadley, Ma. This is where I work out and personal train with Justin Killeen, my personal trainer for over a year now.
Justin encouraged me to join the challenge. I really wanted to, but also had my reservations. In the past, when I joined weight loss contests, I always ended up sabotaging myself. I could never have more than 1 to 2 good weeks in a row.
At this point I had been losing the same 5-7 pounds since September. It was time to do something and time to stop self-sabotaging myself. I also wanted to prove to myself, once and for all, that I could do this.
I threw myself into the challenge full force. I basically showed up at the gym every time the doors were open, I continued to personal train with Justin, doing whatever he asked of me, and overhauled my eating, going almost all Paleo. I started seeing my hard work paying off on the scale and in other ways as well.
The 60 days have come and gone and I was thinking over what I accomplished and learned along the way. As far as stats go I lost 15 pounds total. Seven weeks out of the eight I lost weight. The one week that I gained weight I only gained .2 pounds (that's point 2). My first goal had been reached. I lost weight and didn't self sabotage myself. I am very proud of this. After years of doubting myself and telling myself "I can't" I finally proved to myself that I CAN.
I really pushed myself physically during these 60 days and saw myself get stronger and stronger along the way. I couldn't really jump at the beginning of the challenge, I couldn't jump my feet in and out while doing burpees and couldn't jog a 15 minute mile. I am proud to say I am able to jump a lot more during exercise, I went from doing 36 burpees in 5 minutes, walking my feet in and out, to doing 51 and jumping my feet in and out for about half the time. I had a goal of running a mile in 15 minutes by the end of the 60 days. I completed that goal early on and went on to run a mile in 13:44.
The words I CAN'T have left my vocabulary and my mindset. I try everything put before me and find myself asking Justin, WHAT'S NEXT?
I can tell that I am walking a little taller and my confidence is the best it has been in years. I have never loved myself where I am. I always would say, "When I lose weight I'll finally be happy." "When I lose weight I will think I'm pretty." "When I lose weight I will finally be able to do what I want." "When I lose weight . . . fill in the blank." People would always tell me I needed to love myself where I was, no matter my size, but I couldn't do it. I would look in the mirror and look at myself with disgust. I let things from my past define me and because of losing over 100 pounds and gaining it all back, I had let that define me as a failure. I thought that this time around would just be the same.
During this 60 day challenge there was a day that I looked in the mirror and finally everything clicked. I finally was able to see myself for who I was and finally let all the things from my past go. I was able to love myself right where I was and I loved what I saw. The selfies that followed were proof of this. :) It was a huge turning point for me. It WAS so freeing, it IS so freeing. For the first time in my life I am so happy with who I am and I will not let anyone (especially myself) or anything change that.
Do I wish I would have lost more weight during this challenge? Of course, but the difference this time around is that I am ok that I didn't. Before I would have beat myself up and been down about it, but I realize that this journey is more than a number on the scale. Physically I have changed. I've lost 15 pounds, but not only that, I am the strongest I have been in a long time. I am doing things that in the past I would never even attempt, I would just say I CAN'T and give up very easily. That is not me anymore.
The best thing that came out of this challenge is that for the first time, in many, many years I am happy and that is the best feeling ever. I have not just lost inches and pounds, but have lost all my excuses, self-doubt, and my past. My goal may have been to lose weight in the last 60 days, but I gained so much more that will only help me as I move forward in my journey to health.
Thank you Justin for hosting this challenge and for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I cannot wait to see what this next year will hold for me. Things can only continue to get better. Watch out, here I come.
Stay tuned for my final pictures from the challenge and inches. I will be meeting with Justin soon to get my final stats.